| |  | | ON A WINTRY MORNING by Dori Chaconas, illustrated by Stephen T. Johnson, Viking Children's Books, 2000 |
 | | GOODNIGHT, DEWBERRY BEAR by Dori Chaconas, illustrated by Florence Davis |
 | | ONE LITTLE MOUSE by Dori Chaconas, illustrated by LeUyen Pham, Viking 2002 |
| | |
TO RHYME OR NOT TO RHYME
by Dori Chaconas
As appeared in the Oct 2001 issue
of The Writer Magazine
Reprinted with permission.
"Please, no rhyming stories."
I heard it at conferences. I read it in the market guides. What? No rhyme! But I love to write in rhyme! What about all those beloved nursery rhymes? Surely they had laid the foundation for rhyming picture books.
I put the ideas for rhyming stories on my I'd-Better-Not-Do-It list, and there they stayed until I became involved in a good critique group. The writers in that group started to sell their stories, and those stories were written in rhyme. And it wasn't just an occasional rhyming story that sold. They sold consistently. Like magic, within three years, members of the group sold a total of thirty-six books. Twenty-seven of those were written in rhyme. Then I sold three picture book manuscripts—all written in rhyme.
What happened to "Please, no rhyming stories?" Perhaps a better phrasing for that line would be "Please, no poorly written rhyming stories."
What magic does it take to write a good rhyming picture book story? No magic in the sense of wizardly wands or fairy godmother wishes. It's simply a matter of knowing the components and putting them all together.
RHYTHM – Stick To The Beat
If you dig into the poetry books you can make a lifetime study of rhythm, with its iambics and dactylics. I prefer to think in simple terms of pattern. With your story plot firmly in mind, look for a rhythm that will suit your story. Do you need the soothing tones of a lullaby? The jingling cadence of sleigh rides? Or the solemn rhythm of an approaching storm at sea? Try out different rhythms.
Sometimes the right one will simply pop into your head. It has a pleasant cadence. It confirms your belief that this story needs to be told in rhyme. At other times you'll have to search for the right rhythm to carry your story. Train your ear to hear rhythm patterns. Listen for light stresses and heavy stresses—both in words and in syllables.
Twink- le twink- le lit- tle star 7/4
How I won- der what you are 7/4
Up a- bove the world so high 7/4
Like a dia- mond in the sky 7/4
The first number at the end of each line represents the number of syllables per line, while the second number represents the number of stressed beats per line. Each line in Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star consists of 7 syllables, with 4 stressed beats. This is the established pattern of the piece—the yardstick with which you measure each new stanza. Some writers count all syllables, and some count only stressed beats. I count both—double checking my established pattern as I go along.
The same method is used in more complex rhythm patterns.
Pan-da played on the ver-an-da 8/3
He called to his good friend, the moose, 8/3
"Come out of the rain! 5/2
Come play on my porch. 5/2
We're act-ing out old Mot-her Goose 8/3
We'll have beet-le rac-es 6/2
And make fun-ny fac-es. 6/2
Watch out for that rail-ing! It's loose!" 8/3
Once the pattern has been established in your first verse, use the pattern as a template for the rest of your verses. Stay true to that pattern:
Pan-da played on the ver-an-da 8/3
He called to his good friend, the yak, 8/3
"Come out of the rain! 5/2
Come play on my porch. 5/2
We're fix-ing a won-der-ful snack. 8/3
We're mix-ing up mud cakes 6/2
With rai-sins and corn flakes. 6/2
Watch out for that board! There's a crack!" 8/3
While counting syllables and/or stressed beats is helpful, it's not foolproof.
Keep in mind that each heavily stressed word or syllable should stay true to a natural pronunciation of a word. If I had decided to use an elephant in the above verse, instead of a yak, I could count the same number of syllables and heavy beats.
He call-ed to his friend, el-e-phant. 8/3
But now the stress lands on the unfortunate elephant's rear, instead of on his head where it belongs. In this case, the placement of the stress throws off the natural pronunciation of the word and destroys the harmony of the verse.
Also be aware of words that might be pronounced differently in different parts of the country. If I change Panda's mud cake recipe to include oranges rather than raisins, my line will be in trouble because I pronounce 'oranges' with two syllables (ornj'ez), and you pronounce it with three (or' an jez.) The rhythm of the line will be compromised, which in turn will weaken the harmony of the whole piece. Because rhyming picture books are read aloud, good rhyming text should be read effortlessly whether the reading is the first or the twentieth. Close attention to rhythm while writing will help to offer effortless reading by the reader.
ALTERNATE RHYTHM PATTERNS – The Spice of Variety
While it's important to keep your established rhythm, you may decide to add an alternate rhythm pattern to your story. This can serve to offer variance, to indicate a change in action, and to guard against a piece becoming sing-songy and monotonous. Just as a harmonious refrain in music differs from the verse, your alternate rhythm serves as an interesting addition to enhance your story. The alternate rhythm pattern needs to blend harmoniously with the existing rhythm pattern. This is one of those times you'll benefit from having someone unfamiliar with your story read it aloud to you. If the reader must pause to make the rhythm adjustment, or stumbles over the change, then you'll know it isn't working.
Panda played on his veranda. 8/3
He called to a mouse passing by, 8/3
"Come out of the rain! 5/2
Come play on my porch. 5/2
In no time at all you'll be dry." 8/3
So the mouse took a jump 6/2
Hit the porch with a thump 6/2
The porch railing shivered 6/2
The old floorboards quivered! 6/2
And then in a flash… 5/2
CRASH! 1/1
In these alternating rhythm lines, the change slides smoothly from one rhythm to the other, the shortened lines speed up the action and build to the last line—CRASH—like a final, emphasized punctuation mark.
Don't be afraid to play with and experiment with alternate rhythm patterns. It adds another challenge to writing verse, but also increases the enjoyment of the finished piece.
IT'S TIME TO RHYME!
Do you enjoy working crossword puzzles? Do you like the challenge of finding the perfect word to fill that blank space? And when you find that word…"Aha!"…do you feel oh, so satisfied?
Writing in rhyme offers similar challenges and rewards. And just as in crossword puzzles, the perfect word in a rhyming story must serve more than one purpose. The word must fit the space (the rhythm pattern,) convey the precise meaning you need to tell the story, and—if it's a key rhyming word—the rhyme should be perfect.
Once again, study some good rhyming picture books. Not only do the rhythm and the rhyme sing with perfection, but every word and every line is essential to the story. You'll find very few 'fillers' in good rhyming pieces. Fillers are those lines stuck in simply because the line ends with the rhyming word you need. Well, the ending word might be the right match as far as the rhyme goes, but if the content of the line is weak, or doesn't move the story forward, it's like sewing a red flannel patch on a red silk dress. They're both red, aren't they? Yes, but the texture and tone are different, and it's a poor substitute.
In learning the things we can do to write good rhyme, we also need to consider some of the things we should avoid doing. Here are five things to avoid when writing in rhyme:
- Avoid the exclusive use of overly simplistic rhyming words. They tend to make stories predictable. Even when writing for very young children, provide variety, freshness, and a few surprises. Let Dr. Seuss remain the master of cat, hat, bat, and sat.
- Avoid convoluted sentence structure, or the rearrangement of words to accommodate the rhyme. Each line of your rhyming story should read as naturally as prose. If you have to twist the natural order of words to suit your rhyme, you end up with that red flannel patch—a forced effect. The rhyme should serve the story, rather than the story being sacrificed for the sake of the rhyme. When is the last time you heard a child ask, "With toys may I play?"
- Avoid high-falutin words used only for the sake of rhyme. If your rhyming story is told in the voice of a child, an inappropriate word will destroy the credibility of the whole piece.
I like to bounce my yellow ball,
I bounce it high and low.
And when I catch it in my hand,
My face is all aglow.
(And when is the last time you heard a child use the word aglow?)
4. Avoid the use of near rhyme. Black and fact don't rhyme. Nor do down and round. I can't say that near rhyme never works, but I try to avoid using it. If one small incident of near rhyme grates on the ear of even one reader, the enjoyment of the whole piece can be diminished for that reader.
5. Avoid cliches in rhyming pieces just as you would avoid them in prose.
He captured the skink
As quick as a wink.
So what do you think?
He put up a stink.
Reading good rhyme is a pleasure. Writing good rhyme can have you
knocking your head against your computer screen. Sometimes you have to throw out a whole verse and begin again because the words just won't fall into place as you would like them to, or because you've worked yourself into a corner while looking for a word that rhymes with 'genius.' Rather than sitting and watching the cursor tick off non-productive minutes, carry a line or a verse around in your head. Go for a walk—and think about it. Clean that dreaded closet—and think about it. Iron your husband's underwear—and think about it. Perfection can't be rushed and persistence will win out in the end.
THE STORY – Make It Good!
You may write in perfect rhyme, with perfect rhythm, but if your piece lacks the elements of a good story, your efforts will be all fluff without substance. I like to think of story as the key element, and if the story is solid, and conducive to rhyme, the rhyme will then enhance the story. You know the basics about writing good stories:
- An opening that 'hooks' the reader into the story.
- Compelling action that keeps the reader interested and constantly moves the story forward.
- Characters that make your readers experience an emotion. Memorable characters that children want to revisit again and again.
- Creative and playful language. We have a wealth of words from which to choose. (Have you ever just read a dictionary?) Make use of strong, colorful verbs.
- Pleasing use of repetition. Children like repeat phrases that become familiar quickly. As they recognize a repeat phrase, it offers an opportunity for them to participate in the story.
- A surprise, or twist in the plot. Just make certain that your story line isn't so thin and underdeveloped that the 'twist' comes across as a one-line joke. In the case of a One-Line-Joke story, once we know the punch line, there's no point in reading the story again.
- An ending that leaves your reader with a sense of satisfaction, a tug at the heart, or a smile.
If you're wanting to play on a nice rainy day,
And you don't want to play in the house,
Get a bear, moose and panda,
Play on the veranda,
But don't you invite…
Don't you ever invite…
No, never invite…
A mouse!
All of this for a simple 500-word rhyming story? Yes, and if you study the successful rhyming story picture books, you'll find most of the elements there, regardless of length and deceptive simplicity.
Is it magic? Maybe. But the magicians are the writers who know the elements and make them work. | 
